Frailty Frustration

I like titles that alliterate. As most of you know I did something to my wrist. Last night I had to go get an MRI. It was the weirdest experience. Duke has a section of a parking lot fenced off . Within this fenced they have several tractor trailers that house MRIs. They are all connected with a wooden deck and you check in inside of a single wide. As if that was not weird enough; my appointment was at 10pm. 10pm is my bed time. I did not get out of there until 11. I will know the results today. I am hoping they say that I will be fine in a week or so just wear your brace. I am not suppose to do anything with my hand but I am finding that to be a very difficult undertaking. I am also getting weaker by the min. I am running a lot. I have run a bout 10 miles this week already. I guess that is good but I know I am loosing ground on everything else and that is incredibly frustrating. I will keep you posted on the results. Until then, sorry boot camp girls, but running with you has made me happy; and hey, you can tell everyone you ran a 5 k. :)

Epiphanys are cool

I've been pretty miffed, sad, confused, defeated, etc since the Whole9 thing. But today as I lay in bed waking up for the weekend (I sure do love to wake up with no scheduled activities - its so freeing), I got it.

I get it Melissa. I get what you are trying to tell me. You want me to break the cycle of mental cravings that are emotionally charged. Just like what you said, stop the cycle of crave sugar get sugar, crave sugar get sugar... I think you mean it is similar for the savory stuff.

Like last night, after a super great (non savory) dinner - pictured and yes I did it on purpose - I wanted a cup of coffee and a coconut lara bar. I'm still not sure if I was craving sugar or coconut - I love coconut. But I didn't eat it. I thought about it and thought about the fact that I wasn't hungry and didn't eat it. Is a lara bar "allowed" or more appropriately labeled "healthy", sure. But did I need to eat? Nope.

I get it.

The thing that brings me down again is the fact that food should taste good too and you should totally enjoy food. Its like that shirt that says God created beer because he loves us and wants us to be happy... or something to that affect. But is the point to try and stop eating the things that I like to eat even if they are insulin limiting and anti-inflammatory in nature? I really hope not, because that is what doesn't make sense to me. That is not something I could do long term.

For example, my lunch just about everyday is a big ass salad from the company caf consisting of greens (a shit-ton), grilled chicken, cukes, bell pepper, grapes, sunflower seeds and olive oil. It is tasty and satisfying and full of insulin limiting anti-inflammatory foods. But do I eliminate the grapes because they are sweet and add flavor to my salad and I WANT the grapes in my salad and the thought of ELIMINATING grapes makes me pretty sad?

I mean, this is really how I feel about all of the things I have created during my Whole30+. I think I have been creative and found things that taste good to me that are health promoting. Shouldn't that be the point? Maybe I'm supposed to balance this - tasty but notice cravings and try to break that pattern.

I know most people don't think about food this much, but most people didn't get to be close to 300lbs either. I just want to find something that is going to work for me long term. This blog kind of helps me flesh out my thoughts. And so I write about what I am feeling and it lets me move on.

Whew - this post is kind of heavy.

Confusion is nothing new

So as far as the holy grail of Whole30 is concerned, I found it, but it confused me more. I met Dallas and Melissa of Whole9 (and the Whole30 program) last night. They came to crossfit for a nutrition seminar.

I thought they did an excellent job getting the point across regarding how what you eat can pretty much be traced back to 2 main things - insulin and inflammation. Things you eat either promote aggressive, moderate or limited insulin responses and likewise for inflammation. I liked that they spoke about foods that make you less healthy or more healthy - not bad or good. In general, they suggest eating things that are more healthy, which in turn give you a limited insulin response and are ANTI inflammatory in nature. This my friends, makes sense and is not like asking you to just not eat carbs. I get this. And I get why they want me to do this. I call this success.

However, at the very end, I got confused. I was talking a bit with Melissa and she sort of shook up my confidence in my own program. I may not put them on the blog (think I should though - working on it), but I post to facebook pretty much every day what I am eating for dinner. I mean a picture, I post a picture. Anywho - I make up most of these "recipes" and it gives others ideas and keeps a log for me too to refer to when I don't know what to fix. I credit my mom for being able to do this - I just fix stuff and cook and it is good and mostly it is because I grew up watching my mom do this. My mom is an awesome cook, baker, homemaker, house fixer, friend...happy mother's day Mom!

Oh boy, I digress.

Anywho - confusion. So Ashley and Dave tell Melissa I do this and then I share some of the things I make and then she says she challenges me to eat things that aren't so savory. And that I shouldn't be making things I like into a paleo version - she doesn't think that will work for me. WTF? I don't understand this. First, I don't think I do that. I mean, alot of the things I came up with were new things I never cooked with or ate (spaghetti squash for example and bacon). Also, it was alot of learning how to make a dinner that is meat and veggies and some fruit, nuts, seed and oil that were tasty. My dinners always had a grain and usually a dairy too, so this was definitely a challenge.

I think, after speaking to Dave about this, the intention was to try to get my mental relationship with food to change. Not just trying to make "low carb" eating fit my old lifestyle. I get it. Which I honestly, and I am honest in this forum, think I am doing. Or I wouldn't be doing this again. I've talked about this - my thoughts about food changed in a remarkable way around the Week 3 mark. I'm slowly seeing that again on this second round.

I have respect for their expertise, but really, in the grand scheme of things, I think the direction I am going in is the right direction. Perhaps tweaking this down the road is in order if indeed I am unsuccessful. But I like how I feel and look WHILE eating bacon and spaghetti squash. Sorry. But I do. Its a long way from a whole pizza and a side of cake.

We talked a bit about my cheat / treat strategy and decided that doing this, was never really allowing my body to heal from the inflammation the less healthy foods caused. So we did agree that probably I can't do periodic treats / cheats very successfully. At least not right now. I am OK with that. For now :)

In the end, we all concurred that I need longer than 30 days. Too many years of a tumultuous relationship with food to be changed in 30 days. I am committed to my 90 days. I wonder if I will feel like it needs to be 1,000,000 days. That's how I feel today. Sigh.

My hips don't lie - part 2

So last year I posted about my hip pain when I run. I went to an ortho, nothing, PT, nothing, lose a crap load of weight and it magically disappeared!

But hold on. Its back.

I swear its the shoes.

Today I ran all over chapel hill with my good pals from Crossfit Local. I wore my fun Nike Shox. They are those Nike ID shoes. I love them. I designed maybe 3 pairs so far.

Today, as I walked back to my car - there it was. The ole hip pain from long (ok, not so long) ago.

Now, I have been running (not a ton) for several months now at crossfit with no pain. But you know what has been different? I wear my chucks.

I swear its the shoes.

Bye bye Nikes. Sigh. Hello custom chucks. Smile.

P.S. Paleo day 1 today. Just finished my fave snack - apple + sunbutter. Ok it was dinner - I'm tired.