Tuesday, December 28, 2010


I will be 34 for 2 more days (including today). This has been undoubtedly one of the toughest years I have ever had. I have however, had a few good friends that have helped me navigate through. Most of these friends I have met through CrossFit. That is one of the amazing things about my box. The people there genuinely care about each other. It is a big family that looks out for one another. I really do not know if it is this way for every box but it definitely is for mine.

I tend to use my birthday as the day I resolve to be a better Bea, instead of new years. They are incredibly close to one another so it really doesn't matter which one I use but it seems to make more sense to me to go with my birthday instead.

So, this year... I promise to try my best to get stronger and improve my overall health. I promise to not procrastinate as much and to push really hard with my photography. I also promise to follow my grandfather's favorite saying: Noli nothis permittere te terere. He would just say it in English, but I think it is more powerful in Latin. Everything is more powerful in Latin.

Quick update on my no grains: I have been very good; not a single grain in 8 days. I have held strong even though the grain fairy seems to have returned from her one day break.

Here is a photo I took of my favorite CrossFit in the world.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Ask and ye shall receive

This is the picture of me not amused. It has turned a little pink over the years.
And here is a picture of me doing the ridiculous fan dance.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Day 3

I am going to warn you (mostly Husband) that this post is going to be on multiple topics. Rich does not like when I ramble, but when has that ever stopped me? Maybe if I segregate it in an orderly fashion he will be happier. We shall see.

First topic: Today is day 3 of no grains. I have been surprisingly good. I have not had any grains in the last 3 days and I have not curled up in a little ball and died. I had a coworker get very upset about the fact that I was doing this and actually raise her voice at me a little. She was not mean, more passionate about her love of whole grains. I agree with a certain person, that will remain nameless because they have given me shit about calling people out in my blog ;) . "You do not need grains. They taste delicious, but you do not need them."

I might regret saying this later.... but I feel surprisingly well. I have not had any tummy issues in the last 3 days. You might be thinking: Wow Bea (pronounced "B"), that is not much of a stretch. But it is. I have a lot of tummy issues. I discovered earlier this year that the reason I get so sick after drinking 2 beers is not because I am a light weight. (Yes, I know am a light weight but that is not why I get sick) I get sick because I have an intolerance to barley. No problem, there is always tequila.

Barley is a sneaky bastard. People throw barley flour in random things all the time. I have no idea why. I mean really... Who thinks: "You know what this bagel needs... Barley flour"? Einstein bagel, that's who.

Today seems to be going a lot smoother. The bread fairy must have taken today off. I have not found copious amounts of grain products at every turn. Not having it everywhere does make it easier not to eat it. {(Wow, that sentence has a lot of its in it. The knights that say "Ichy Ichy Kabang" would be cringing on the floor.) I totally did that on purpose, just for you babe. :) }

Second topic: Being a human takes a lot of work. Being a human girl takes even more work. I do not like all the work it takes to be a girl. You have to shave and straighten your hair and wear makeup and match. It is exhausting just to think about. I have better things to do with my time.

My mom tried to make me more of a girl but I have always been like this.
"Bea why don't you go play dolls with Sara."
"No thanks, I am going to go play capture the flag with Andy Booth while we shoot each other with paint balls instead".

I even had a cotillion. I wish I could find the picture of me in the big, white, floofy dress with my long white gloves. I look so not amused to be there.

Living in North Carolina takes even more work. You actually have to moisturize here. I grew up in Florida where there is enough water just hanging out in the air to moisturize your skin. I do not understand people who say: "but it’s a dry heat". Like that is a good thing? All that means is that you are walking around feeling like a prune most days.

I guess that is all I have for right now.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Day 2

Today has been so ridiculous it is comical. This morning when I got to work this was sitting on my desk:

Those are cookies.
Then I walked into the break room to heat up my coffee and found some sort of fruit and nut bread. At lunch I went in to the break room to heat up my lunch and found an Asiago cheese bread. A few minutes ago I went in to get some water and found this:

That is a marble cake thing.
Do not worry, I am holding strong. I tell you what though, the powers that be are definitely testing me.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Day 1

I had an "oh crap! I am going to be fat and old" moment, when I turned 30. I started working out the next day and ended up loosing 30lbs (over 6 months). This time it has been a little more gradual. I thought I am fat (again) and I want to do something about it. I started keeping track of what I ate with the support of a very good friend and some software, right after Thanksgiving. Like most people I have had good days and bad of eating. Yesterday was a very bad day of eating.

After I finished my very bad for me lunch, I felt horribly guilt ridden. I professed right then and there: "No grains until the 30th!" I forget sometimes that not everyone has the CrossFitter's mind set (I was at work). The response I got was shocking. My coworkers acted as if I had just proclaimed that I was the anti-Christ. One was visibly upset by the idea and thinks I am on a suicide mission. I tried to comfort her by telling her it was just for the next 10 days. She was still upset.

Today, I started my 10 day journey of no grains with this:
I am a firm believer of just changing one thing at a time. It makes it much easier to stick with. I do not think I would make it through a whole 30 because I would just get pissed off at all the things I could not eat and then say "F this!" and then eat a big bowl of Kraft macaroni and cheese. I love that blue box of artificial goodness.

If you see me reaching for a grain.... slap my hand.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Now I am sore

This weekend I did the Again Faster WOD:

200 Double Unders
7000# of Deadlifts
75 Barbell Thrusters (35#)

* Weight on deadlift bar will determine # of reps.
* Reps can be partitioned as the athlete wishes.
* Once workout begins, deadlift weight must remain the same.

I chose to do the double unders last because I am VERY bad at them (the double unders took me twice as long as the rest of it). I really liked this WOD. Unfortunately, I must have curved my back at some point during the deadlifts because I am very sore. I have been leaning against a heating pad today. It is not all that bad.... my office is freezing and the heating pad is keeping me warm.

The office where I am temping is still trying to fatten me up so they can eat me. Today (exactly 3 paces from my desk) they brought in brownies and macaroons dipped in dark chocolate. I do not have my phone on me today so I can not take an overly dramatic photo with my Hipstamatic for you.

Friday, December 17, 2010

My First Filthy Fifty

Okay, that was tough. I mean seriously. It has all of these components that you think: "that's not too bad". It is bad. Jumping pull-ups are really hard after 50 box jumps. I still should not be doing burpees because of my wrist but I did them anyway.... because I am hard headed. I seem to have over compensated on my left side because my left shoulder is hurting like hell today. I also thought I was going to throw up while doing the back extensions on the GHD. Something about pressing on your tummy while flailing up and down.

After watching all those crazy fit people at the Carolina Challenge I am even more determined to get in shape. So, vomit inducing or not I must go all out. Here is a photo I took at the Challenge of one of those Crazy Fit people.

What I am avoidin at work today

Seriously, I think they are trying to fatten me up so they can eat me.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Just in case Gurtie was not enough

Sorry I am such a downer

I am sorry my last post was a downer. I did not mean it to be. So to cheer you up, here is a picture of my 10 year old puppy named Gurtie Goblin. She is the goofiest creature on the planet.... and yes, she sleeps like that.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

More Holiday Food

I, like most people , associate food with celebration. This can lead to one of 2 things when one gets really sad. Either you eat a lot in an attempt to achieve the feeling of happiness or you avoid it all together. As a lot of you know, Gryphon, my 16 year old dog died this week. I had him from a puppy and he was one of the best creatures on the planet. He was incredibly loving to everyone: dogs, cats, people. He loved the snow; he would dive into it. Here is a picture of him all curled up on his little bed.

I have lost 2 lbs since Sunday. I know it is not healthy but food is just not at all appealing right now. This is a problem. We condition ourselves to associate food with happiness. I think if I have any kids, I will try to avoid having birthday celebrations centered around food. I will take them to ride a pony or go up in a biplane. I really want to walk the wing of a biplane and swim with sharks (I have already done this once but it was really cool) but I digress.
It isn't just our families it is work people too. Yesterday the good people at my day job tried very hard to fatten me up. They brought in meatballs, Italian Soda (which just looks gross to me), cookies, and lemon bars.

Seriously, is it any wonder we are fat. We eat special occasion food ( or as Cookie Monster says: sometimes food) all the time.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Carolina Fitness

The Carolina Fitness Challenge went off without a hitch this weekend. It was a very long day but was a lot of fun. One person really sticks out in my mind. Although he did not get a podium win he finished well and was my idea of embodied determination.

Of course I am talking about Gabe. His approach was to go full throttle through the entire day. I honestly do not know how he managed to do it. Just in case you did not know, those are 52lb kettlebells he is sprinting with.
People really fall in to two camps (I think); the humble or the let me tell you how awesome I am camp. Gabe, although incredibly awesome, falls into the humble camp. I have talked about how much I admire some of these people in the past... Sarah Dunsmore is a prime example of humble but bad ass. But I digress, Gabe walked into CF Durham on Monday and was told that the picture above was awesome. His response was "That is all Beatrice". I beg to differ. I do think I am fairly good at what I do but I will be the first to admit that a good portion of my job is being in the right place.... and Saturday, the right place was in your vicinity Gabe. Good job, and I can not wait to see you do it again next year.

Thursday, December 9, 2010


I have been discussing food with Rich (husband) a great deal recently. Actually, it has been a regular topic for the past year. How should we eat? I turn to Michael Pollan for the answer. I do not eat Paleo. I have no desire to give up that much because I believe that eating can be one of the greater pleasures in life. That being said I do think you can make more things Paleo like. I have created a separate blog that will go through recipes I have found, that are not Paleo (at all) and make them closer. Maybe I should say: I make them so Michael Pollan would approve. At least I hope he would. The blog is called Malicious Cupcake.

Although the first recipe is Paleo, they will not all be strictly so. If you want a place for strict paleo, please visit Mandy's blog: Nom Nom F*Bomb
Both sites can be reached by clicking on the links in the "Friends" section on the right of this page.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

And.... nothing

Not a single ounce dropped in the last 3 days. This is when it would be great if people would not tempt me with delicious food. Unfortunately, office people love to provide temptation this time of year. I need to be extra strong while this frustration settles in. Luckily, today's sugar fest is not at all appealing.
What is that, you ask? Silly.... It is peanut butter rolled in a powdered sugar concoction.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Am I weird?

Don't answer that. I just recently got an Rx jump rope. I feel that it is now my duty to learn how to do double-unders and do them well. I have been carrying around my Rx jump rope with me since I got it. I practice when I am bored. I did not really take a lunch break today (I ate at my desk). When my coworker told me to go take a break because she was going to soon to go meditate soon; I said okay, I will go work on my double-unders. She gave me a shocked Muppet expression. I took this to mean, you should hide in a conference room while jumping rope. So I did. I kept worrying someone was going to walk in and catch me... but catch me doing what?....exercising. Why is that something I have to hide?

Yes, those are black feathers

I believe this Christmas tree might be a drag queen.

Monday, December 6, 2010

It goes against everything I believe in but hey, at least it tastes bad.

As I said in my last post; I model my food beliefs after Michael Pollan. His mantra is this:
Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants
"Eat Food" is where I failed today (and the plant bit too). I ate a highly processed food like substance. I will be honest it is quick, easy, cheap, and (here is the lure) warm. Most of the time Lean Cuisine tastes okay..... not this one. I will not be buying it ever again. (I took the photo with my Hipstamatic for dramatic effect.)

Luckily, the woman next to me had some Texas Pete's Hot sauce. I just loaded it up on that and then could only taste burning. Another thing that helped me get through this meal was the fact that I eat really quickly.
I attribute this "ability" to middle school. In middle school we had 30 min for lunch. It took at least 10 min to get everyone lined up the proper way, 5 min to get to the lunch room, 5 to 10 min waiting in the lunch line 5 min to eat then we had to line up again to get back to class. Voila, a life time of over eating due to scarfing things down is born.
I have lost 3.6 lbs since starting my diet last week. After eating a particularly bad low calorie meal my mind starts to wonder. Right now I can not stop thinking about chicken and waffles. Luckily, they close at 3 today, so eating at Dame's for dinner is not an option. It is really easy to start things, much harder to continue them.


I am a big proponent of eating heirloom vegetables. Earlier this year I read 3 Michael Pollan books and a Barbara Kingsolver book that really changed my views on food. I highly recommend them if you have not already read them.
I shop at Whole Foods or Fresh Market for my meats and vegetables. I like Fresh Market better (it has wider aisles and tends to be a little cheaper) but it is in Chapel Hill and that is a pain in the butt. So, I tend to go to Whole Foods on Broad in Durham. Last night I ran into 3 people I know outside of CrossFit. This is a little bothersome because I very rarely go when I do not look disgusting. I usually go right after working out, like I did last night.
Anyway, I was looking for broccoli when I found this:

I am sorry Whole Foods but I can not believe that occurred naturally. Why is that cauliflower purple? I do understand the need to jazz things up a little so that kids will eat them but I expect Whole Foods to be above that sort of silliness. I mean, I love grapapples as much as the next person; but I expect to buy them at Target.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


I have been struggling with my weight since I was in my early 20's. I have been really fat and really skinny. Right now, I am some where in between. Staying skinny is very hard. I gained a lot of weight when we moved here. For the past year I have been trying, through CrossFit, to lose weight but have not lost much. I know I have gained muscle but I am a long way from where I want to be. This is a fact that has been really bothering me. That is where Dori comes in.
Dori is kind of like a savior to me right now. She suggested that we do it together through My Net Diary. She came up with a plan that uses it as a tool so that we can hold each other accountable. I do not know why but if you have a friend checking up on you it makes it way more important to be good. If I am bad I am not only disappointing myself but I am letting Dori down.
I have lost a little over 3 lbs since we started. Mainly because I keep track of everything I eat. That makes a huge difference. I know I would not have done this at all if it were not for her. So, Thank you Dori. When we are skinny together I will owe it to you.

Here are a couple of pictures of either extreme. Sorry about the half naked photo but it is the only one I can find.

Not Paleo but pretty Damn close

I got this recipe off of Pioneer Woman. I changed a few things. I highly recommend her site. I have made a lot of her recipes and every single one has been great. It is not a paleo site though. I repeat it is not a paleo site.

1½ pound Flank Steak, Trimmed Of Fat And Sliced Very Thin Against The Grain
½ cups Low Sodium Soy Sauce
3 Tablespoons Sherry (Not Paleo)
2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar (Not Paleo)
2 Tablespoons Cornstarch (Not Paleo)
1 Tablespoon Minced Fresh Ginger
8 ounces, weight Fresh Asparagus
5 whole Scallions, Cut Into Haf-inch Pieces On The Diagonal
3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
Crushed Red Pepper, For Sprinkling
Preparation Instructions
In a bowl, mix together soy sauce, sherry, brown sugar, cornstarch, and ginger. Add sliced meat to bowl and toss with hands. Set aside.
Heat oil in a heavy skillet (iron is best) or wok over high heat. Add asparagus and stir until cooked. Remove to a separate plate. Set aside.
Allow pan to get very hot again. With tongs, add half the meat mixture, leaving most of the marinade still in the bowl. Add half the scallions. Spread out meat as you add it to pan, but do not stir for a good minute. (You want the meat to get as brown as possible in as short amount a time as possible.) Turn meat to the other side and cook for another 30 seconds. Remove to a clean plate.
Repeat with other half of meat, allowing pan to get very hot again first. After turning it, add the first plateful of meat, the rest of the marinade, and the asparagus. Stir over high heat for 30 seconds, then turn off heat. Check seasonings and add salt only if it needs it. Mixture will thicken as it sits.
Serve immediately. Sprinkle crushed red pepper over the top to give it some spice.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Oh My God!!!

This is totally why you should NOT hit the next blog button at the top of your screen. It is okay. I will stay strong and not be tempted by you, delicious treats. Damn it!

I take it back

As many of you know, I went to Mexico with husband and 2 friends for Thanksgiving. The place we were staying had a pool bar. The pool was unbelievably cold so we usually sent the men folk to brave the icy waters to get the drinks. On one of the many drink runs I decided I would cool off by jumping in to the frigid waters and get the drinks for husband and myself. When I swan up to the bar the guy Jack, I mean Mack was talking to said: "Is that your sister?" I do not think we look anything a like but lets compare shall we...
Me: 5'2"
Mack: 6' something"
Me: pasty white - of English and Irish decent
Mack: tans with in seconds of being in the sun - of Asian and Spanish or Italian (I can not remember) decent.
Me: reddish brown hair
Mack: black hair (with a touch of gray, and yes... I went there)
Me: klutzy with no scene of spatial awareness.
Mack: can do 20 million double unders and muscle ups with ease
Me: brown eyes
Mack: brown eyes
Bing! Bing! Bing!
That must be it; we are SO much a like.
Well, apparently Mack has taken the discovery of a new found sibling to heart and has decided to treat me as such. This entails teasing me so much that I want to give him a severe pummeling. This teasing was particularly bad last night because I said nice things about him yesterday in my blog and ruined his street cred.
So, lets set the record strait shall we... Mack is a total badass that totally could beat you at anything and could completely kick your butt if he wanted / felt like it.

Now, on to me. Half way through yesterday's WOD my right wrist started hurting, really badly. I looked at it and it had turned purple. The WOD was: 21-15-9 For Time:
DB Thrusters and burpees. I stopped doing the burpees and switched to push-ups, so I would not be slamming my hand against the ground. After the WOD I talked to Nemo and he said, he had hurt his wrist 4 years ago and it still bothers him. This, needless to say, is highly disappointing news. Is it an age thing ? I do not remember healing being such a pain in the butt before. Well, at least the purple went away.

In early August


Thursday, December 2, 2010

And another thing I love about CrossFit

Every gym has at least one. That one guy or girl or both that are really good at everything. We have at least one of each in our gym (and a few floaters that come in). We will call them Mack and Mashley (to protect their secret identity). The thing about these people at CrossFit is, they are really nice. It is impossible to hate them and their super human abilities. They cheer you on when you make your minor accomplishments as if you are amazing even though they are way stronger and faster than you. The only time you see any kind of frustration towards these people is when someone that does not really know them challenges them and then fails..... repeatedly.
Last night one of these people, Mack, did just that. He acted like it was awesome that I dropped 10 seconds off of my split time. And lets be honest, we need that sort of encouragement to keep going.
Here is what happened: Yesterday morning I forgot my tennis shoes. So, I called husband and asked him to bring them to the gym for me. He said okay and then promptly forgot to bring said shoes. The WOD was running and jumping rope so doing it in my duck foot like Keen slip-ons was not an option.
The only solution was to row instead of run, because I think running in my bare feet is a very bad idea. I am klutzy, the gym is in Durham (I would undoubtedly run over glass), and my feet and mind are not conditioned in the same way Colin's are.

Half way through the first 500 meter row, I realize that I am feeling fine and maintaining a 2:00 (my past 500 meter row was 2:12). I get excited and determined to keep it up (knowing the 50 double under will be hard but I really did not care). I pushed and finished at 2:02. I started celebrating immediately (there was a lot more WOD left). Husband gave me the disapproving Kermit look (with a half smile) to encourage me to get on with the rest of my WOD. I finished, though the first set of jumping rope was VERY hard after blowing my WOD (pun intended) on my first row.

After I was done I told Mack about my amazing achievement (his split is probably sub 1 min) and he acted excited and proud of me. It was in that minute that I decided to try really hard to do the same for everyone else in the gym. That being said.... David, my former bootcamper moved from blue to red band yesterday. He started with jumping pull ups a few months ago and now he is rocking the red band. You are awesome David!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Horror

I am trying to enter everything in to My Net Diary, my food and exercise. Of course the program does not have CrossFit programed in as an option. No problem, that is what my trusty friend the internet is for. This time however, my friend shared some very bad news with me..... CrossFit 200 to 300 cal per hour. AHHHHH! That is it? No wonder I am fat. I will be adding more cardio in from this moment forward.
Part of me thinks: "But What about Dunsey she is super ripped and thin?"
Oh, right.... she weighs everything she puts in her mouth. That is why she has those awesome legs and abs.

I am really not willing to do that. I have to be honest. It just is not going to happen. More running it is.

Maybe I should pick another marathon or half to train for. There are 2 issues with this. One, running a marathon is very painful so I am more inclined to run a half. Two, I truly think I could run a half right now so that is not a challenge. A full it is. Now, I have to pick one, preferably in June or July.

Update: I like the idea of the Princess Half at Disney, but I think you only get a certificate that you have to print out. I am totally motivated by silly metals. I might have stopped my last marathon at mile 2o had I not thought "I want that golden Mickey head". There is one in Montana that gives you a cowboy belt buckle but that is an expensive flight.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Day 2

I was so good yesterday. I ate well and I Crossfitted. I did not do the Durham WOD. I am still having a few issues with my wrist so KB snatches and overhead squats are a little problematic. So, I rowed a 3k and I did one armed KB swings and box jumps -

You would think I would feel good about myself, but no. I got on the scale this morning and I was up a pound.... What the hell? I am not putting it in My Net Diary. I can not handle looking at the graph go up while it taunts me saying: "you have gained 5 lbs."

This morning I made breakfast, lunch and a snack. I will not be defeated scale. I will continue to make good food choices. I ate my breakfast at around 9 and my snack at 11. My snack was a Greek yogurt. Which by the way I discovered the 2% blueberry yogurt yesterday. That is an 80 calorie savings! How exciting is that... Anyway, they only pick up the trash at my desk on Wednesday so I have to throw my cup away in the kitchen. That is when I saw it.
DUM! DUM! DUM! (that is dramatic music if you were wondering.)

Red velvet cupcakes. Damn it people! Why must you tempt me so with your delicious treats. So far I have avoided scarfing down several of them but think good thoughts for me.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Serious time

I gained weight on my vacation. My net diary now states: You have lost zero pounds, on one page and: You have gained 4lbs, on another. I feel like yelling at it. I KNOW! I ate nothing but guacamole and sugar (the Mexicans, at my resort at least, love sugar), and drank copious amounts of alcohol. I am vowing right now to be better for the next few months. I will avoid things that are bad for me and if I partake in them I will work out like crazy to atone for my gluttony. I also smoked my first cigar and.... it was a Cuban. Look at how much I look like a baller.

I will not be doing a specific diet, just calorie reduction. I will try to eat better in general. I will also try to limit the amount of cream cheese wrapped rice I eat too. What? you say. They also like cream cheese on my little island and they think sushi should have carrot as tha main component.

Seriously though, I had a lot of fun and now I must work my butt off to get back to my starting point. So, if you see me reaching for something that is very bad for me; slap my hand.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

New Blog!

Hey everyone -

 I started my own blog.

Check it out here!




Thursday, May 13, 2010

Frailty Frustration

I like titles that alliterate. As most of you know I did something to my wrist. Last night I had to go get an MRI. It was the weirdest experience. Duke has a section of a parking lot fenced off . Within this fenced they have several tractor trailers that house MRIs. They are all connected with a wooden deck and you check in inside of a single wide. As if that was not weird enough; my appointment was at 10pm. 10pm is my bed time. I did not get out of there until 11. I will know the results today. I am hoping they say that I will be fine in a week or so just wear your brace. I am not suppose to do anything with my hand but I am finding that to be a very difficult undertaking. I am also getting weaker by the min. I am running a lot. I have run a bout 10 miles this week already. I guess that is good but I know I am loosing ground on everything else and that is incredibly frustrating. I will keep you posted on the results. Until then, sorry boot camp girls, but running with you has made me happy; and hey, you can tell everyone you ran a 5 k. :)

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Epiphanys are cool

I've been pretty miffed, sad, confused, defeated, etc since the Whole9 thing. But today as I lay in bed waking up for the weekend (I sure do love to wake up with no scheduled activities - its so freeing), I got it.

I get it Melissa. I get what you are trying to tell me. You want me to break the cycle of mental cravings that are emotionally charged. Just like what you said, stop the cycle of crave sugar get sugar, crave sugar get sugar... I think you mean it is similar for the savory stuff.

Like last night, after a super great (non savory) dinner - pictured and yes I did it on purpose - I wanted a cup of coffee and a coconut lara bar. I'm still not sure if I was craving sugar or coconut - I love coconut. But I didn't eat it. I thought about it and thought about the fact that I wasn't hungry and didn't eat it. Is a lara bar "allowed" or more appropriately labeled "healthy", sure. But did I need to eat? Nope.

I get it.

The thing that brings me down again is the fact that food should taste good too and you should totally enjoy food. Its like that shirt that says God created beer because he loves us and wants us to be happy... or something to that affect. But is the point to try and stop eating the things that I like to eat even if they are insulin limiting and anti-inflammatory in nature? I really hope not, because that is what doesn't make sense to me. That is not something I could do long term.

For example, my lunch just about everyday is a big ass salad from the company caf consisting of greens (a shit-ton), grilled chicken, cukes, bell pepper, grapes, sunflower seeds and olive oil. It is tasty and satisfying and full of insulin limiting anti-inflammatory foods. But do I eliminate the grapes because they are sweet and add flavor to my salad and I WANT the grapes in my salad and the thought of ELIMINATING grapes makes me pretty sad?

I mean, this is really how I feel about all of the things I have created during my Whole30+. I think I have been creative and found things that taste good to me that are health promoting. Shouldn't that be the point? Maybe I'm supposed to balance this - tasty but notice cravings and try to break that pattern.

I know most people don't think about food this much, but most people didn't get to be close to 300lbs either. I just want to find something that is going to work for me long term. This blog kind of helps me flesh out my thoughts. And so I write about what I am feeling and it lets me move on.

Whew - this post is kind of heavy.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Confusion is nothing new

So as far as the holy grail of Whole30 is concerned, I found it, but it confused me more. I met Dallas and Melissa of Whole9 (and the Whole30 program) last night. They came to crossfit for a nutrition seminar.

I thought they did an excellent job getting the point across regarding how what you eat can pretty much be traced back to 2 main things - insulin and inflammation. Things you eat either promote aggressive, moderate or limited insulin responses and likewise for inflammation. I liked that they spoke about foods that make you less healthy or more healthy - not bad or good. In general, they suggest eating things that are more healthy, which in turn give you a limited insulin response and are ANTI inflammatory in nature. This my friends, makes sense and is not like asking you to just not eat carbs. I get this. And I get why they want me to do this. I call this success.

However, at the very end, I got confused. I was talking a bit with Melissa and she sort of shook up my confidence in my own program. I may not put them on the blog (think I should though - working on it), but I post to facebook pretty much every day what I am eating for dinner. I mean a picture, I post a picture. Anywho - I make up most of these "recipes" and it gives others ideas and keeps a log for me too to refer to when I don't know what to fix. I credit my mom for being able to do this - I just fix stuff and cook and it is good and mostly it is because I grew up watching my mom do this. My mom is an awesome cook, baker, homemaker, house fixer, friend...happy mother's day Mom!

Oh boy, I digress.

Anywho - confusion. So Ashley and Dave tell Melissa I do this and then I share some of the things I make and then she says she challenges me to eat things that aren't so savory. And that I shouldn't be making things I like into a paleo version - she doesn't think that will work for me. WTF? I don't understand this. First, I don't think I do that. I mean, alot of the things I came up with were new things I never cooked with or ate (spaghetti squash for example and bacon). Also, it was alot of learning how to make a dinner that is meat and veggies and some fruit, nuts, seed and oil that were tasty. My dinners always had a grain and usually a dairy too, so this was definitely a challenge.

I think, after speaking to Dave about this, the intention was to try to get my mental relationship with food to change. Not just trying to make "low carb" eating fit my old lifestyle. I get it. Which I honestly, and I am honest in this forum, think I am doing. Or I wouldn't be doing this again. I've talked about this - my thoughts about food changed in a remarkable way around the Week 3 mark. I'm slowly seeing that again on this second round.

I have respect for their expertise, but really, in the grand scheme of things, I think the direction I am going in is the right direction. Perhaps tweaking this down the road is in order if indeed I am unsuccessful. But I like how I feel and look WHILE eating bacon and spaghetti squash. Sorry. But I do. Its a long way from a whole pizza and a side of cake.

We talked a bit about my cheat / treat strategy and decided that doing this, was never really allowing my body to heal from the inflammation the less healthy foods caused. So we did agree that probably I can't do periodic treats / cheats very successfully. At least not right now. I am OK with that. For now :)

In the end, we all concurred that I need longer than 30 days. Too many years of a tumultuous relationship with food to be changed in 30 days. I am committed to my 90 days. I wonder if I will feel like it needs to be 1,000,000 days. That's how I feel today. Sigh.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

My hips don't lie - part 2

So last year I posted about my hip pain when I run. I went to an ortho, nothing, PT, nothing, lose a crap load of weight and it magically disappeared!

But hold on. Its back.

I swear its the shoes.

Today I ran all over chapel hill with my good pals from Crossfit Local. I wore my fun Nike Shox. They are those Nike ID shoes. I love them. I designed maybe 3 pairs so far.

Today, as I walked back to my car - there it was. The ole hip pain from long (ok, not so long) ago.

Now, I have been running (not a ton) for several months now at crossfit with no pain. But you know what has been different? I wear my chucks.

I swear its the shoes.

Bye bye Nikes. Sigh. Hello custom chucks. Smile.

P.S. Paleo day 1 today. Just finished my fave snack - apple + sunbutter. Ok it was dinner - I'm tired.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Whole90...holy crap

Well here I am in front of god and everyone committing to 90 days of Paleo. Starting May 1.

As I've posted, things have not been going great for me, and I miss how great I felt eating Paleo. 30 days unfortunately was not long enough I don't think for some new habits to form. So I'm gonna give it 90 days. So I just typed 90 boys...hmm, wonder what I have on my mind...

ANYWHO....I don't think it is necessary to be all Whole30 about it, I've done that and the experiment was successful and I was able to confirm the benefits. So I am going to TRY tweaking by allowing one TREAT (not going to call it a CHEAT) a week. This allows for wedding cake at my friends wedding later in May. You all know how much I like cake. So, by one treat, I mean one per week. Like not a whole meal or day or event. Just like ONE dessert or ONE piece of bread with my steak and veggies. I am going to try and plan these and totally be OK with it. We'll see how it goes. I may have to ditch this.

My new friends over at Whole9 (Melissa and Dallas) are coming to CF Durham in a few days so I'll see what they have to say about my plan. I'm really excited to meet them.

OK friends - 3-2-1 go!

P.S. How could I forget - I'm famous!

Saturday, April 24, 2010


It is so important to have fun in whatever exercise you choose to do. I think so often we get caught up in the end result and do not remember to enjoy ourselves. It does not matter if you like Crossfitting or swimming or dancing around in your living room; as long as you enjoy it. If you do, you are more likely to keep at it. That is the most important part. I say this because on Thursday, I had fun. I mean seriously laughing and was sad when we stopped fun. At Durham we have these harnesses that are attached to a handle that looks like they should be pulling a water skier. One person gets in the harness and runs the other person holds the handle and slows them down... a lot. It is seriously fun. It is fun to be on either end or to watch. Especially when it is Rich (155lbs) trying to hold back Nagle (220lbs). I am going to try to have more fun. Will you?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Oh how the mighty have fallen...

Not that I'm mighty or anything, but I really wanted to write that as my blog title. It has been floating in my head for the last week or so.

I fell people. Far far from the wagon and hard. FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL ditty FAIL FAIL.

Its only fair I think that I post when things are not going well. I'm human and things suck for me occasionally. Sometimes more than occasionally. But today I realized that I didn't lose more than a hundred pounds because everything went smoothly. I've done this because I push through the craptacular parts and keep going. Climb back on the wagon. Pet the horse and give the horse a sugar cube. BUT DO NOT STOP.

How did I fall? It really doesn't matter. We all fall for different reasons. Mine happens to be stress and sadness. I can't deal well with these things. I hate being sad or disappointed. I don't know how to feel these things in an appropriate manner. And I don't drink. I don't do drugs. So I eat. And then I isolate and then it gets worse and its a terrible cycle.

But you know what? I can't crossfit and eat crap and certainly can't stay sad and crossfit. I really really like crossfitting so something had to give. I asked for help people. I don't ask for help. Its just not what I do. But I asked and guess what? My crossfit friends helped me. Supported me and reminded me I was a badass. Picked my ass up and took me to the gym.

So I WOD'd today. And felt better instantly. INSTANTLY.

I didn't leave the gym and magically all of my problems were solved, but I at least felt connected again and may have stopped the cycle.

So bottom line friends - if you crossfit, look around you. These people care about you. And they will support you when you are feeling nothing short of craptagious (feeling crappy is contagious I think - did you like that one?). Ask for help and keep going friends. Forgive yourself and remember you are in for the long haul.

Are you listening to this Melinda?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I eat hamburgers, fries and cupcakes

So this weekend I saw my friend Murph kick super duper ass in women's professional tackle football. I think that is what it is called. It was awesome. I would NEVER want to do this - I would rather not get hit and dragged and stomped on, but good gracious - more power to you Murph - you were awesome to watch. Murph did the stomping and dragging - the poor visiting team didn't stand a chance. I think they won 49 - 0. I don't know much about football, but I know that was a serious win.

Anywho - shout out to Murph and her teammates at http://carolinaphoenixfootball.com/.

After watching Murph kick ass, we went to Chili's. I love burgers at Chili's. Reminds me of home for some reason. I ordered myself the Shiner Bock BBQ burger - it had cheese and onion strings and BBQ sauce and IT WAS AWESOME. I also had fries. And this my friends, is called living. I did not toil over how "bad" this food was or how so not paleo it was, I just ate it. Because I wanted to and I feel fine doing so in moderation. This last part is a learning process. I don't do moderation. I never have. In anything. Go big or go home. So moderation in my diet is something new I need to figure out. Its slippery for me - because so easily I can slip back into bad habits. I've worked too hard to let that happen though. For this reason, and the fact that I feel a little lost without structure, I'm pretty sure I'm going to do another Whole30 type commitment soon.

Oh yeah, and a couple of days ago, I was out of town and found a CUPCAKE store. Oh yes. I did indeed eat cupcakes. And there wasn't even a baby or wedding anywhere. Cupcake eating with reckless abandon. OK, it wasn't that reckless - I had 4 baby cupcakes. Thats right, I said 4. Too many flavors to choose from (cookies and cream - had oreos in it, coconut, triple chocolate and red velvet) so I took one of each. And I ate them all. I had myself a little party and I was the only one invited. I have said this before and I will say it again, cupcakes are like little sugar angels, and everyone needs them in their lives. Until we meet again cupcake...