Guilt

I get in to these patterns. Pattern of either being completely on or not wanting to work out at all. The crazy thing is, there is guilt associated either way. When I am off, obviously I feel like a sloth and feel bad about it. The only thing that stops me from starting up again is the fear associated with the pain I will inevitably feel.

This is the crazy part: when I am on, I have a hard time taking a rest day. I feel guilt about my rest days. Why? I have no clue. Yesterday was my rest day. I spent it rowing 1500 meters and doing as many double unders as I could in 10 min.

This morning I decided that I would take tonight off (for real). I have a lot of photo editing to do and my body could probably do with an actual rest (especially my legs). Then I look at the CFD website:

5 Rounds For Time:

10 Pull-ups
10 GHD Sit-ups
10 Push-ups

I love GHD sit-ups and Dave hardly ever programs them since they almost killed Rich. I do understand the fear. I just would like Rich never to do them again but he makes up his own WODs and throws them in regularly. Rich is hard headed and will not let anything beat him.

Side note: For those of you that do not know, Rich had rhabdomyolysis. He was in the hospital for 3 days after doing Michael on the GHD. (Michael is: 3 rounds of run 800, 50 GHD sit-ups, and 50 GHD back extensions) His CK levels were at 120k . CK levels should be under 300. He was given the high score at Duke Hospital.

I think that part of the problem might be that I am not happy with the shape I am in. There is this fear that if I stop I might revert back to the fat version of myself. I also wonder if I will ever get to the point where I am happy with my body's shape. I know this is not the healthy, strong woman that I should be but it is the truth.