What is she in to?

Do you ever wonder what people think about you CrossFit bruises? I have whip marks on both of my arms and a few on my legs. I clearly am not good at double-unders. But I do not think that is what goes through the average person's head when they see my bruises.

I actually had several cops come over and check on me at work when I had weird bruises up my arm after my wrist surgery. It took me a few visits before I realized why they were so interested in me that day. I am guessing that saying I did a bad job ditching a jerk would have been a poorly worded reason.

Mirror

The funny thing about the mirror is that you do not see yourself the way others do. I mean sure you are backwards but its more than that. Yesterday's post did not teach me to love myself more. It actually, had an unexpected outcome, for me at least. The one part that I did not even think twice about writing was the part that surprised me when it came from others. I am of course talking about the last little paragraph. The paragraph where we all provided links to everyone's page that was participating in the blog post. We each stated a couple of things we thought about the others. This part was tacked on kind of as a last minute idea by Nelly. It was a good idea.

It was good for two reasons. The first being obvious, to show us how easy it is to say nice things about your friends but how ridiculously hard it is to say them about yourself. The second reason is that we got to read how our friends see us. For me, it was a bit of a shocker: Oh! Really? That is how you see me?

The comments were kind and I found myself arguing with them in my head. Coming up with reason why their praises were really not that big of a deal or warranted at all.

I got a phone call from one of my closest friends a little later in the day. This call was unrelated to the post (or at least I think it was). She said: "I think it is stupid for you to continue to wait until you are down to your ideal weight for you to have your make over". (Or something to that affect.... I know stupid was in there). She then told me that I was cute. Which was very nice and I am not sure when the last time I was called cute was. Maybe when I was 6. Needless to say I do not see myself that way. I think of myself as fat and kind of plain looking.

Today the girl in the cube next to me (who is a little 20 something hottie) told me that "I want to be tiny like you."
Tiny? I am not tiny. Maybe tiny in height but not over all tiny. And that is when it hit me. The friend that called me to tell me that I was wasting valuable time waiting to be my ideal was right. I probably will not ever be ideal.

So, I am going to go ahead and play the part. Even though I do not feel badass or tiny, I can dress like I do. Maybe dressing the part will help me feel that way. I will be handing myself over to my friend and letting her look through my closet so she can make me into a girl.

Blog assignment

One of my fellow coaches at CFD came up with an idea after reading Nelly's blog. The blog post was about things that Nelly would like to be able to do and what she wants her body to look like. A lot of her goals are goals that I have as well. Some of which, I did not know the proper name for but I do now (Dimples of Venus).

I digress, Ashley (fellow CFD coach) wants us to come up with 10 things that we actually like about ourselves. They can not be character traits. This is not an easy task. I can tell you all sorts of things I hate about my body but things that I actually like or talents that I have that is a different matter. To make this a little easier I think I might do 5 things that I can do and 5 things that are physical.

Here goes nothing

1. I can do a 1 armed hand stand



2. I have a very strong core so I can do weighted sit-ups (even weighted GHD sit-ups) with a large amount of weight.

3. I am good at my job. I have, what most people call, a good eye. It really just means that I have a good imagination and I am patient. This good imagination gives me an idea what a photo will look like before I take it.



4. I can do a number of ring push-ups. (Give me a WOD with ring push-ups and GHDs and I am a happy girl)

5. I have a really high pain tolerance. This one sometimes gets me in trouble



Now for the hard ones.

6. I like my legs. They are muscular and strong. When I wear a short skirt and heels, they make cops treat me really nicely.

And that is where I peter out. I can tell you a list of things that I know Rich likes about my body but that is not the assignment. I could also give you a very long list of things I admire about the others doing this assignment.

Amy - Has amazing coordination and great rythum.
Ashley - Crazy strong, has an amazing body and is an awesome teacher
Colleen - Is a super fast runner and very funny
Linsay - Is also incredibly strong and she has amazing style (totally has the 11th CrossFit skill down). She was honestly one of the most beautiful brides I have ever shot.
Melinda - Is a superstar. She is one of the kindest people I know. She is stronger mentally an physically than I could ever hope to be.
Nelly - has the best wall balls I have ever seen and has this fearless sense of adventure that I truly admire.

I think that is Ashley's point. Not that I have to come up with 10 things that I love about myself but to know that other people can. So, maybe we should stop focussing on all of the flaws and try to see ourselves the way others do.

Highly inefficient

So, I finally got my chest to hit the damn bar. I have, for a while now, been able to get it parallel to the bar but getting it to actually touch the bar had eluded me. Husband said that it did not count unless I could get it to Touch the bar. He told me this 4 days ago. It makes me very annoyed when he says things like that. I suppose that is a good thing because then I get determined to make it happen.

I asked Ollie to tell me what I was doing wrong. He told me I just needed to kip the hell out of it. I took this under advisement.

Two days later I was in the gym with Jack and did my first chest to actual bar. It matters that it is Jack because a while ago Dave said that whatever you accomplish only counts if you can do it 3 times and if you do it in front of him. He then amended that to include me and Jack. I think he did this because I kept making him look every time I tried anything new.



Jack's response was: "That was a highly inefficient way of doing it but you did do it." Later that night at dinner I told husband about my triumph. He looked at Jack for confirmation. (Boys are so annoying). Jack then said. I think I only saw it twice.

ERRG!

The next morning he left for vacation. So, I videoed my highly inefficient pull-up and sent it via text to Jack. Problem solved.

I would like to take a moment to point out that when I told Dunsey, she just hugged me and said congrats. That is the difference between girls and boys. Boys are just meaner.

Tattoos

This girl I work with said to me: "It looks like you need a tattoo to do CrossFit".

Maybe that is what has been holding me back! My lack of tattoo! I actually have been considering getting one for a very long time but I can not settle on something. That and I am scared of how my mom will react.

I know what you are thinking. I am an adult I should not worry about how my mom will react. You do not know the story of my sister's tattoo.

When I was 12 my parents bought a Nordictrack. As a promotion, the good people of Nordictrack threw in a free heart rate monitor. This was one of the early heart rate monitors that would beep with your heart beat.

It was the late 80's and cutting off sections of your t-shirt was all the rage. Being a fashionable young (feathered hair and all) woman my sister had cut off the sleeves of her t-shirt.

My dad was hooking up the heart rate monitor to my sister (who was already strapped into the machine) when he noticed something. "What is this Liz?" My mom with her bionic hearing came storming in from the other room. Some how knowing what my dad was talking about. My poor sister, trapped by the evil machine's foot straps, was helpless. She said "Nothing! It is fake!" Yelling ensued for weeks. Or at least that is how I remember it. I was emotionally scarred.

That being said, these are the two that I have been wanting for a very long time:

First an Orca drawn by a Native American in the Northwest. Why you ask. Multiple reasons. I have always loved swimming. I was a water baby (that is a baby that is taught to swim before they can walk). I love marine life especially whales. I was born in the northwest. And a whole host of other silly reasons like that.



The second is a dragon. But I do not want just any dragon. I want a dragon that looks like it was drawn by Gustave Doré. I really like his Leviathan but it is not a complete dragon. Half of the Leviathan is in the water. The Leviathan is a sea monster and as I stated earlier, I like the ocean so it makes him a good candidate.

Why the dragon? My oldest sister's Chinese zodiac sign was a dragon. I have been thinking a lot about her recently and it would be nice to honor her in a way.

My favorite book has a dragon as one of the main characters, The Voyage of the Dawn Trader. Because of this, what ever dragon I get will have a cuff on its arm.



Who knows if I will actually get one, but it might make me better at CrossFit.

just a number

Yesterday was the end of my diet bet with Dori. Although I have lost a significant amount of weight (14lbs since Nov), I think it put me in a bad head space. I spent so much time worrying about food. When I had my cheat days I felt guilty so I never really enjoyed the food that I was eating. I would also think bad thoughts about friends while they ate delicious food. I am going to not diet for a while so that I can get in to a better place mentally.

I will say this... I am now in my size 2 pants again. I decided to try them on today because the plants I put on originally are so big on me that I do not need to unbutton them to take them off.

This is, even after looking at Tamara Cohen's weight is just a number posts on Facebook, hard for me to swallow. I know that I have way more muscle than I had before I started CrossFit. I know that muscle weighs more than fat. Knowing all of that does not make me feel like, at 124, I should fit into the same pants I wore when I was 111.

It is also hard to see yourself as smaller than you use to be. I do not think I look that different than I did Thanksgiving of last year. I still see myself as fat. I know that is stupid but I am not alone in this.

I have a friend that is incredibly strong and fit. She is beautiful and unbelievably badass. The other day when a former bootcamper of mine told her that she wished she was as strong. My friend's response was: "with thighs like this you would hope I could pick up heavy things". Seriously, she is gorgeous. Her body is amazing but she does not see it.

I gave her a disappointing look and she said "I know, I need to learn how to take a complement". I can act dismayed all I want but I am no different in my ability to take a complement. The strange guy from next door kept telling me how much better I looked the other day and all I could think was: how bad did I use to look?

How do you get happy in your own skin?

Yay me!

Yesterday I got 2 double unders in a row several times. I think I could have kept going but every time it happened I got really excited and messed up my own rhythm. Before yesterday, I had to do: double under single under double under single under. And I sounded like a rhino while doing it. Dave actually told me one day that I was scaring the Japanese in the neighborhood because I sounded like Godzilla.

I have to give credit to a fellow coach at CrossFit Durham. He has helped me get better at a great number of things and yesterday was no different. I will say that I started working on them with Murph (who is awesome). She and I are at about the same level of double unders. She asked me if I thought we were getting high enough. I said I don't know. Then I turned to said coach that was walking up and said: "Are we getting high enough?" He said: "you just need to suck less" (not nice). He said this to me not to Murph. He is nice to Murph. I gave him an annoyed Kermit look and he laughed then actually provided help.

The help really worked. I think it might be what I need for running too. Bounce on the balls of my feet and do not kick my heels up. That is close to what Paul said to do with running. I guess these are points I already knew but having some one show you and then make you do it really helps.

Oh by the way...

I am self-deprecating.

I am really only kind of bad at CrossFit. Actually, I am okay at it. I tend to look at people, like my friend Christmas, and think why can't I be that awesome.




I realized that a great number of you might be envisioning someone that is bumping in to walls aimlessly when you imagine me. I really am not that bad.

How do you even do it like that?

I have heard this several times over the last few weeks. From L pull-ups are much harder why do you lift your legs when you do a dead hang to I do not understand how you can heal strike in those shoes. Last night it was chest to bar kipping pull-ups.

My chest was high enough it was just a bout an inch out parallel to the bar. I am very good at doing things the wrong way. Not only the wrong way but a way that makes them, I am told, much harder. I wish I were more of an athlete and less of an "athlete" (as Amy would say).

I have been thinking about taking Amy's advice an writing things down again. That way I can see progress. Right now I am just feeling stagnate. My weight loss seems to have hit a plateau. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my 14 lbs loss but I would like it to be 20.

I still sound like a Rhino while doing most things: running (thud thud thud), double unders (thud thud thud), and box jumps (thud thud thud). I have asked for help from a couple different friends. I am spreading out the neediness. That way I will, hopefully, not wear them out with my spaziness.

Stop looking at me like I am a freak

I have been following a diet for 5 weeks now. I am in the home stretch, with one week to go. One week left until Dori and I are finished with out bet. I have lost about 6 more pound since we started this thing. I will be honest with you, I do not feel amazing. I feel the same.

The only difference is that I get sad when I think about pizza and macaroni and cheese. Actually, I feel a little violent when I think about others eating macaroni and cheese. I am pretty convinced that is the reason a friend of mine did not order it when we stopped at Red Robin on the way to the mud run. He was scared I would hurt him. Probably, rightly so.

I do not believe all the hype about feeling great because you are eating clean. I just don't. I feel the same. What is true, is that you loose weight when you diet and people look at you like you are a freak when you order a sandwich with no bread.

All sorts of diets work for people. I have known a lot of people that have had luck with Weight Watchers. It is a little touchey feely for me but it does work. What made this diet work for me was Dori. Dori supplied support and accountability.

Support and accountability are 2 of the most important things in life. We get better at CrossFit because we have just that in our box.

In one week I will continue to eat healthy. I will just be doing it with whole grains.

Mud run

I am now on the other side of my first mud run. I learned some very important things about myself. First, I need to be more aggressive. My WASPy upbringing does not mix well with competition. I actually found myself saying "pardon me" as I tried to get pass people. I did this through a great deal of the race.

The run was very crowded. There were a lot of times when things bottle necked. When this happened it got a little dangerous. The first bottle neck I had the wind knocked out of me by a rather muscular Army dude that slammed in to the back of me because he was not paying attention. He then quickly caught me from falling down and said "Sorry darlin". Honestly, ( I know this is SO not women's lib of me) being called darlin in a southern accent by a good looking guy makes up for the fact that he knocked the wind out of me. Later in the race I was tackled by a little girl (probably about twelve). It is important when the field opens up to get by as many people as possible to avoid injury in the future.

I got a little over heated. I might need to cary some water if it is going to be in the 90s. My body does not like heat. You would think this would not be the case because I am from Florida but it is. I am hoping that it will be cool in December in Tampa. It really should be but you never know with Florida.

I also learned that I have a lot of work to do. I started today. I ran a mile then did chest to bar pull- ups. I will progressively add more miles and try to get better at getting over things and crawling through things.

By the way the Minimus were the best shoes ever.

and now for something completely different.

I went to bikram yoga today.

Why you ask.... because Dave programed squatapalooza the other day and my quads are still tight. I figured it would be a great way to loosen up my quads. That actually worked but I did not enjoy it.

I have taken hot power yoga before but not bikram. They are not the same thing. At least not in several key areas.

First thing you notice when you walk in the door is how little clothing these women wear. Now, granted it is hot; but they are wearing outfits that are very close to underwear. Because they are wearing so little you get a very good look at their bodies. They do not have CrossFit bodies. They have "should I buy you a hamburger" bodies.

The walls are covered with mirrors (another thing I am not use to) so I can really see the difference between my body (built like a small tank) and everyone else's (very thin with no muscle tone) no matter which way I faced. That was a treat.

The room is set to 110 degrees. I knew this going in. What I did not know was that bikram has very strict dictatorship type rules. I was told that I was not allowed to drink water until the teacher said I could (this ended up being 15 min in). That is a brilliant idea right there. Stick people in 110 degree heat and then do not allow them to hydrate when they feel like they need to.

I was then told that if I felt dizzy that I could sit on my knees. If I felt really dizzy and nauseous I could lay down but I was not allowed to leave the really hot room. This also seemed like a stellar idea to me. I was actually imagining the law suite Rich would file when I died.

I made it through alive so Jack services will not be needed at the time but I did get dehydrated. I happened to weigh myself this morning. I then ate 2 eggs with guac and had a cup of coffee. I had 2 glasses of water before going into class in preparation for the heat. I was so drenched in sweat when I got out that I decided that it would be fun to get on my scale again before I showered. Oh, and I drank a Nalgene bottle of water on the way home. The result of my hour and a half sweat fest.... I was down a full pound and that was after I drank a lot of water and ate.

Erg

I have my first mud run this weekend. It is only 3 miles and the map that they have on the website is just silly, so I am not worried.

At least I was not worried until I did 310 squats on Tuesday. Now I am having trouble walking. I took yesterday off and have been contemplating taking today off as well but I have not had a great day today and I could seriously use some exercise to get myself out of this funk.

The other option is eating badly and owing Dori $50. Maybe I will just go for a run or row.

Okay, now I am motivated.

I have a Mud Run this weekend. It is the North Carolina USMC mud run. I probably should be training for it, but I have not been. It is only 3 miles. I can do 3 miles... or so I think so.

I am also signed up for the Tough Mudder in December. I was mildly more motivated for this one because it is 12 miles long. I thought: I should start running more. My attitude has changed drastically today. Now, I want to kick ass at it.

Why the sudden change in attitude you ask. This guy:




That is Brian. He is a cop, an agent with FDLE to be exact. He is also on the SOT team (commonly known as SWAT). He has been known to jump out of helicopters with his fellow SOT friends to catch bad guys. No, I am not exaggerating.




He is part of the reason I am not fat anymore. When I started to loose weight in 2004, he created a work out program for me. That work out program got me down to 115 lbs. He is a mentor of sorts. He introduced me to the kettle bell.

I, somehow, have convinced him to do the Tough Mudder with me. I want to beat him. I want to beat him royally. Let the training begin.

That can't be good

Today's work out consisted of several sets of 2 heavy thrusters and then the WOD which was 40 ground to over head ( heavy ) and every time you put down the bar you had to do 6 burpees.

To start with, I do not do burpees in a WOD if there are more than a couple. It causes a lot of pain and swelling in my wrist and I do not like pain and swelling, I do high box jumps instead.

During the last of the thrusters my wrist started to hurt. This made me decide that I would go with a strict press. It was a little painful but I did not think anything of it until I went home and felt tingling in 3 of my fingers.

I iced the hell out of it for the rest of the night and reassessed my priorities. I do not have health insurance right now. I need to be more careful.

distraction

To help distract you from the fact that I have not been posting much recently and really do not feel like I have much to say right now, I am going to post photos from my recent shoot with my CF Raleigh peeps (and Jack).