Well I did it. I finally did it. I have officially lost over one hundred pounds.
No surgery. No magic pill. No easy quick fixes.
But it is simple: good nutrition and exercise (and a healthy dose of determination, sprinkled with good support).
This milestone comes with a bunch of mixed emotions. I feel very very proud of myself and very happy to see how I've changed - and not just physically. But I also feel alot of shame about letting this happen in the first place. Trying really hard not to feel the shame, but posting the before pics are super hard.
Have I lost weight before? Sure. Alot of weight? Sure. Not this much though. I had never been this heavy before either. To be honest, thinking back to being almost 300 pounds (I know - here is the shame again), you can go either one way or the other. You can either totally give up and just get ginormous or you can decide to fight "it". You know what "it" is? I think "it" is the 300 pound mark. I think 300 pounds maybe feels like the point of no return. Like there is no way you can be healthy again because you have too far to go.
I don't know what clicked or what happened to make me decide to make a change. I wish I could remember so I could hold onto that. I do know a couple of things that jump started me into a new lifestyle (that is what Dave says I have - a new lifestyle - Dave is my BFF at crossfit).
First, I did a 30 day challenge (hmm, kind of like what I am in the middle of). I went vegan for 30 days. I psyched myself up, cleaned out my cupboards, the whole nine yards. And I did it. 30 days and lost about 30 pounds and learned how to eat real, good, nutritious food and lost a bunch of bad habits. Eventually I went on to be vegetarian, then missed meat and went on to weight watchers where I still am today.
The other thing that jump started me was the introduction to crossfit. You should read my post about my first experience at crossfit - I think it is one of the earlier posts on here.
Anywho - the point is that Dave and Greg never made me feel like I did not belong. THAT IS KEY! I think when you are big, you never really feel like it is OK for you to be anywhere.
I also really like crossfit which obviously helps. I like everything about it. The intensity, the ability to have adult play time (handstands!!!!), the variety, but most importantly the community. My crossfit friends are so so so influential. But not in a bad way. I firmly believe you adopt the habits of those you choose to associate with. I can't thank you guys enough. Your support and encouragement and frankly the fact that you tell me not to sandbag means so much to me. Not to mention the countless times you tell me I am badass. I like to be badass.
If you are wondering how I let this happen to myself - well I could tell you my sad song, but really, all my song is, is an excuse. I wish I wouldn't have let this happen, but I wish I didn't have a dead brother too. Stuff happens.
It scares me to think it will come back. My bad habits are deeply deeply rooted. But this time, this weight loss, is for me by me. Not for some dude or some other stupid reason, but for me. It's really all about me. Lets face it, if you can't make your life all about you, then it's not really your life is it?
I still have a ways to go, but as my friend Lei said to me, "time to ride the nutrition train to fitness land". Agreed Lei.
P.S. Today starts Week 3 of Paleo. Can't believe it. It's not been as hard as I thought it was going to be.
P.S.S. Posting my before pics and then an after pic of me in some pants I was wearing not even at my heaviest (hi there shame, there you are again). I apparently didn't take many pictures back then, imagine that.
P.S.S.S. About a year and a half people. No quick fixes.